Looking after yourself if you’re grieving this Christmas is a subject close to my heart. This blog post focuses on practical self care during the holidays.
I’m sure you know that it will help you to eat well, exercise and get enough sleep, but I understand that, especially in early grief, it may simply not feel like a priority. Just getting through the day may be enough of a challenge. Nevertheless, I do encourage you to eat simple healthy meals if you can and not be tempted to eat and drink too much over the festive period as this will only make you feel worse. Try, if possible, to take gentle exercise and stick to a good bedtime routine because basically you don’t want to feel worse than you already do…
Nature and getting outside – the evidence
There is plenty of evidence to suggest that walking and being in nature can help with emotional wellbeing. Nature really does heal. Being in nature has been found to reduce anger, fear and stress, all of which may be experienced during grief. Exposure to nature not only makes you feel better emotionally, it contributes to your physical wellbeing, reducing blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones. In one study from Mind, 95% of those interviewed said their mood improved after spending time outside, changing from depressed, stressed, and anxious to more calm and balanced.
I know from my grief coaching clients, and my own experience, that walking and being outside in nature is significant in easing some of the heaviness of grief.
Regular exercise is associated with emotional resilience to acute stress in healthy adults
Exercise is useful for expending the body’s stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, which, if excessive, can be problematic after a bereavement and especially when the loss was traumatic. Exercise also increases the levels of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers and mood boosters.
Walking is particularly good for grievers because it combines exercise with being out in nature with all its benefits. To literally put one foot in front of the other, to take one step at a time, symbolizes the emotional
effort we sometimes have to make to get through each day when we’re on an often unforgiving journey of grief. They say it’s important to look up and out, as it helps to remember the vastness of the sky when your world has shrunk, and this also makes both walking and nature incredibly important to healing when someone is grieving.
Yoga and breathwork – how they help in grief
Yoga is a form of exercise of particular benefit during grief, and I recommend Yoga with Adriene and her Yoga for grief. The simple breathing and stretching exercises can be invaluable for calming anxiety, and because yoga combines movement with breathing, it can lead to a positive physiological and emotional response, calming an over-triggered nervous system and promoting relaxation. This has been shown to help with symptoms of PTSD, so often experienced when the loss has been traumatic.
Not being able to sleep when you’re grieving can feel like torture. You can go to dark places when the rest of the world is asleep, not to mention getting unpleasant adrenaline rushes when you wake up suddenly during the night. Supplements or herbs can help (please contact me for advice on this). Finding a sleep meditation or using a breathing technique is also worth trying.
One of the simplest techniques for sleep is to count slowly back from 100, repeating until you fall asleep. Or use the 4-7-8 technique (breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7 and breathe out slowly through the mouth for 8). This can help with insomnia and also for any time of day or night if you feel anxious. It is thought that the lengthening of the exhale helps to soothe an agitated nervous system and that this simple action can halt the flood of stress hormones that can trigger an escalation of anxiety.
Please get in touch if you need support for your grief
These are just a few practical suggestions for looking after yourself if you’re grieving this Christmas and to help you survive the holidays. However, if you’d like some tailored bereavement support, please contact me or read about how I can support you here